Three Books That Have Lifted My Shaken Spirits

My copies of these three books reviewed here

We don’t turn to books simply for knowledge. We pick them up for many reasons beyond the learning of new facts or information: for entertainment, for sheer pleasure, for the aesthetics of their production as a distinct artefact, for inspiration and also for comfort. The three books I wish to review here have served to comfort me in the last several days after having come unscathed from a traumatic car crash. I searched my shelves and picked up these three slim volumes:

1.

My copy of this book

This Book Will Make You Calm, Quercus, 2014 by Dr Jessamy Hibberd & Jo Usmar.  This book works akin to a basic cookbook for a neophyte in the culinary arts. To use a much over-used, even abused, cliché, “it does what it says on the tin.” The title says it all and the book fulfils the promise written large on the cover. The message of this short volume is that we can choose to feel better. Further, the views and comments within are based firmly on research in the area of CBT, that is, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. There are many recommended and well-described strategies recounted by the authors who advise us readers to “try all of the strategies out, rather than just flicking through them.” (p.9) This is very good advice, as practice does improve one’s grasp of anything we humans get involved in. Each chapter ends with a bulleted list of recommendations, all of which I found helpful in my stress and disorientation after my traffic accident.

Chapter two is an extremely good introduction to the theory and practice of CBT, one of the simplest explanations of it that I have come across. Being very well acquainted with this therapy from my training in counselling, I still found it worthwhile. Again, the summary of the main points at the end of this chapter was simply put and readily grasped.  At this stage, we are at the heart of the philosophical psychology underpinning CBT, namely that the ways we think, feel and behave are all inextricably linked and that if we change one for the better the rest will follow. (See p. 43). Chapter three is a simple and practical introduction to relaxation techniques and mindful breathing. The authors acknowledge, as indeed they should, that anxiety is simply part of the human condition, but point out wisely that while we may not be able to stop all anxious feelings we can learn to change how we deal with them. The reader is advised to face up to problems rather than avoiding them, a recommendation that allows him/her to make plans for dealing with them.  In this way, we are enabled to exercise more control over the situation.

Other good advice in this book is not to waste our time on “catastrophizing”, that is, whittling our time away worrying about “what ifs” or things we can’t control. (See p. 101). Again, they see pro-action as better than reaction. We must always force ourselves to promote and acknowledge our positive thoughts in balance with our negative ones. (See p. 127). I loved their advice to face our fears by starting into something we have been procrastinating about and to work from there gradually. (See p.141)  That is sage advice, indeed. In short, I highly recommend this book as it is so accessible, easily read and so highly practical. It can be read fully through in one sitting or dipped into for inspiration from time to time.

2.

My copy of Matt Haig's book.

Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig: Canongate, 2015. The blurb on this book is essentially correct, that is, this slight volume is a “small masterpiece” (Joanna Lumley) and “Matt Haig is astounding” (Stephen Fry). As a sufferer of clinical depression for some 18 years now, this book manages to describe in detail what it feels like to be in the depths of depression and to suffer a panic attack.  Having experienced both, I am amazed at how successful Matt Haig is in communicating those states to another person. He has explained these experiences more successfully than this present reviewer ever could.

This is a balanced book, written by a balanced author as is illustrated in the following comment which I marked in my copy of the book today, an assertion with which I wholly agree: “I am reluctant to come out and be anti all pills because I know for some people pills work. In some cases they seem to numb the pain enough for the good, real work of getting better to happen.” (p.33) The following quotation appeals to the philosopher in me and reminds me of Blaise Pascal’s deep observation that “the eternal silence of those infinite spaces terrifies me”: “The price for being intelligent enough to be the first species to be fully aware of the cosmos might just be a capacity to feel a whole universe’s worth of darkness.” (p. 40) The words “Talk. Listen. Encourage talking. Encourage listening. Keep adding to the conversation” (p. 67) further inspired me. Another quotation that resonated with this reviewer was one from the writer Haruki Murakami that goes: “When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in.  That’s what this storm is all about.” (Quoted p. 70).  A further point that inspires this reviewer is how open-minded its author is: “I am not anti-pill. I am pro anything that works and I know pills do work for a lot of people.” (p. 77)

Haig is good on all the main symptoms of depression - which I shan’t rehearse here  - as he equally is on those demons through which psychotics may personify their irrational fears and obsessions and even depressives their periods of “malignant sadness.” This latter term is the description of depression given by the author and scientist Professor Lewis Wolpert in his eponymous book. Again, Haig is rivetingly good at describing the human condition.  He begins the chapter entitled “Existence” with three simple words: “Life is hard” and finishes with a quotation from the great nineteenth-century American poet, Emily Dickinson on the transience of life and our mortality: “That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.” (p. 92 – 93)

Haig lists some twenty things one obsesses about during a panic attack (p. 97 – 98) and uses a rather imaginative dialogue between what he terms his “Then Me” and his “Now Me” to show how his attitude has changed over time. (See p. 109 – 110). Indeed, he gives us three such dialogues at various times in the book. Further, Haig’s list of reasons to stay alive is obviously written from his own lived experience and not facts rehearsed in counselling manuals. He reminds me constantly of Professor Irvin Yalom throughout as he repeats much of the advice given by that learned psychiatrist. Like Yalom, Haig is at once a realist and an existentialist, for instance, he begins his chapter on love with four simple words, words which could be straight from a Yalom book, “We are essentially alone.”  This statement essentially describes one of Yalom’s four ultimate concerns.

His love for his partner Andrea never left him nor did her sustaining love for him because she was loyal to him throughout his whole depression: “She covered for me,” he tells us, “waiting patiently like a war wife, during my absence from myself.” (p. 119)

I also loved Haig’s description of Anxiety as the “Big A” and the “partner of depression.” (p. 189). This book is also chock-a-block with lists of wonderful descriptions of things that happen to depressed people, things to do and observations from both well-known writers and from some contacts online concerning mental health.  There are some 46 quotations from these latter online contacts giving their reasons to stay alive. (See pp. 202 – 210). Two of these that I really liked were “The Uncompromising Love of a Good Dog” and “It’s been better before and it will be again.”

I could go on about this powerful book, but then that would be to take away your pleasure in reading it.  This is a short, positive and accessible book. If you believe in positive well-being and good mental health buy it immediately and be blown away by the depth of insight of one very honest human being and talented writer, Matt Haig.

3. How To Practise: The Way to a Meaningful Life. Rider, 2008, His Holiness The Dalai Lama.  Translated by Jeffrey Hopkins.

My copy of the Dalai Lama's book

Jeffrey Hopkins provides a very good and richly insightful introduction to this richly rewarding practical book by The Dalai Lama. As a Professor of Tibetan Studies at the University of Virginia, one could not pick a better translator for this small volume. As an existentialist and part-time counsellor who subscribes to the teachings of Professor Irvin Yalom, I am much taken with the Dalai Lama’s description of the human condition, which is sheer existentialism in my opinion: “At the beginning of our life is birth, during which we suffer, and at the end of our life is death, during which we also suffer.  Between these two come ageing and illness.  No matter how wealthy you are or how physically fit you are, you have to suffer through these circumstances.” (p. 34).

At the end of each chapter The Dalai lama gives bulleted summaries for the daily practice of (i) morality, (ii) concentrated meditation and (iii) training in wisdom.

I found chapter 3 especially helpful and rich in insight into the sources of suffering which the author sees as “ignorance of the true nature of persons and things, which results in lust, hatred and so forth” and that suffering can be removed through “the practice of morality, concentrated meditation and wisdom – the true paths.” (p. 60)

Chapter 7 “Focusing the Mind” is a wonderful and simple introduction to the practice of concentrated meditation.  He lists five or so examples of the many ways to meditate and goes on to describe one of them more fully, viz., the method of stabilizing meditation of calm abiding. To engage in this form of meditation, the Dalai Lama asserts that one has to be (i) in the right moral state, (ii) have a suitable place to practise, (iii) follow a sensible and healthy diet, (iv) get the right amount of sleep, and (v) sit in a suitable posture.

All in all, this entire book is a practical guide, based on the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, that teaches people of all faiths and none how to practise morality, meditation and wisdom.  In so doing, His Holiness shows us how to overcome such obstacles as anger, mistrust, jealousy, insecurity and negative thinking.

In short, this is a book well worth reading as an introduction to the Buddhist practice of morality, meditation and wisdom.